Let the Games Begin

CredendaAgenda,inspired by the 2010 Winter Olympics, are proposing an assortment of suggestions for new sports for the 2014 Games. These two seem kind of fun:

• Senator / Wolf Pack Cross. In 1995 the federal government reintroduced wolves into the forests of Idaho, insisting that they would pose no threat to humans. Testing this theory, this new Olympic event would celebrate this legislation in the great winter sport of Cross, highlighting the best of both federal bureaucracy and carnivorous predation. However, having no hard feelings, we would like to give our Senators a ten second head start on the wolves.
• Couples’ Global Warming Figure Skating. This will be very similar to previous competitions with the exception that in this event, because of the wasteful living of the first world nations, the ice is only partially frozen and is likely to split and swallow up the skaters at any moment. Skaters will be judged in all the normal categories – jumps, spins, shoulder wiggles, bun shakes, etc. But they will also be judged on their rescue efforts should one of them go in. Also, for the last thirty seconds of the long program we will release wild polar bears onto the ice.