Passing to Manhood
In addition to all the regular things that must go into Christian living, I decided that my boys should have a rite of passage. It involves training and testing. It is not easy for them. They must prove themselves to be Christian men.
My son Ransom, 13 years old, has been through it. He knows that he is a man. He knows it not only because he worked and sweated at it, but because we had a celebration at the end. We sent out invitations. At the party, in the presence of about 90 people, his friends and our family friends, we reviewed some of the testing, and then I declared in front of everyone that he was now a man. "As your father, I declare that you are no longer Master Ransom Poythress. You are Mr. Ransom Poythress. You are now a man."
The change of name is significant. White American culture still has a tiny fragment in which it recognizes manhood. According to formal etiquette, a boy is "Master" until he is 12; after that, he is "Mr." (Mister). One of my Latino friends tells me that they have a celebration of manhood at the 12th birthday. The Jews have a "Bar Mitzvah" for a boy when he is 13. The Jews became a model from which we attempted to learn. Though Diane and I are not Jews by birth, Jesus is a Jew. The Jews of the Old Testament are therefore our spiritual ancestors. In addition, we live in a neighborhood with many Jews. So in our neighborhood the idea of having a ceremony for manhood was not strange. We created a celebration called "Bar Jeshua," "son of Jesus," by analogy with "Bar Mitzvah," son of the commandment, the Jewish celebration for entering manhood.
We can also point to the incident recorded in Luke 2:41-50. At 12 years old Jesus, our Savior and Representative, shows his manly maturity in his understanding of the Bible and his understanding of his role.
The Bible does not require us to imitate slavishly any one culture. But we see wisdom here. So what did we do? We tried to do the normal things that go into Christian parenting. But in addition, we told the boys from an early age about the Bar Jeshua we were planning for each of them. We told them that they would become men when they were 12. They were going to have to train for it beforehand.
The Training
In what does the training consist? Christian manhood is the goal. The training must match the goal. So we set for them projects. They acquire and demonstrate skill in each of several overlapping areas.
1. Knowledge of the contents of the Bible.
o Know the names of books of the Bible in order.
o Know Bible history.
o Read the Bible all the way through.
o Know main themes of biblical books.
o Understand how Biblical teaching centers on Christ.
o Know Greek and Hebrew (amount of knowledge tailored to the child's ability)
2. Memorization of selected verses and passages of the Bible.
3. Knowledge of the major teachings of the Bible (doctrine).
o Memorize a children's catechism as a summary of doctrine.
o Be able to explain doctrines and respond to questions using one's own words.
4. Personal piety.
o Using devotional materials
o Prayer diary
o Day-long personal retreat for prayer and fasting with Daddy
o Growth in understanding of means for overcoming sin
5. Projects of service and mercy.
o Serving the church; serving the needy.
6. Wisdom in dealing with various spheres of life.
o Finances: tithing, drawing up a year-long budget; checkbook balancing; investing.
o Etiquette: table etiquette, greeting etiquette, letter etiquette, conversational etiquette, sexual etiquette.
o Apologetics: answering questions and objections about Christian faith; understanding the Christian world view and the main competing worldviews and ideas in the UnitedStates.
o Sexuality: knowing Christian teaching and standards for thoughts and actions. Understanding how God designed male and female bodies.
They work on these areas over a period of years. Many times we just integrate the work into our family devotional times. At other points we have periods where they have concentrated study in one area. When the boy is 11 years old, we assess progress. If our boy is honestly far from ready, we are willing in principle to put things off for another year. But if he is showing more maturity, we have a time of more concentrated preparation.
In the two or three months before the Bar Jeshua celebration, we enlist our pastors, young people's leaders, and (in my case) my seminary professor friends to test the boy privately in each of the areas (1)-(4). I am present at these tests to provide moral support, but not to coach my boy on the answers. We also reserve the fellowship hall at our church as a site for the coming celebration. We send out invitations. We draw up a program sheet and buy decorations and food.
The Celebration
The day of the Bar Jeshua celebration is a Saturday, so that more people can come. I explain the celebration to all present.. Our boy reads a short passage from the Hebrew Bible and explains it (as does the Jewish boy at Bar Mitzvah). The boy reads a short passage from the Greek Bible and explains it. The people who previously tested our boy come and give a "mini-test" as part of the celebration. But our boy already knows that he has passed the private tests, so he does not have to fear the result. We sing our boy's favorite hymn. We pray for him. I declare that he is a man. Then we eat and converse. That's it. Many of the guests bring gifts for the boy, because they can see that it is like a big birthday celebration.
[How I Have Helped My Boys to Become Christian Men - Vern S. Poythress Copyright (c) 2005 by Vern Sheridan Poythress.]
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