Shameless Parenting

Some very helpful thoughts about shame and discipline. 

Teaching them ...

What should we teach our children (given Deuteronomy 6 and Ephesians 6)? 

Here is the curriculum of one Christian school in the States (Logos).
It is a bit 'foreign' to me and tantalising ... I keep wanting to know 'what is that' and 'how do they do that?'. But I am grateful for them sharing this and that I live in an age of the internet that means even this is available to me. 

I have also been directed to sonlight this week and again there is a huge lot of help here as we begin to plot our course for the next years! 

Only true grown-ups can parent

A funny, searching and helpful exploration here of why it is we might be good at critiquing our parents but go all wobbly when it comes to doing the job better ourselves!!
No doubt there are multiple applications of this. But the main one seems enough to be going on with to be honest! 
Timothy Larsen says this very interesting thing in the article:

More and more I have come to value those who model how to no longer hold to the exact version of faith they grew up with while still finding ways to be grateful for and affirming of the community of faith that raised them.

HT Justin Taylor

a backbone not a wishbone

Thanks to Ros Clarke for this via FB. And for her comment: 'society has mostly stopped raising children to be adults, so we're ending up with whole generations of children.'

5 Ways to make your kids hate church

Dad's Default?

What are fathers called to? Fathers give. Fathers protect. Fathers bestow. Fathers yearn and long for the good of their children. Fathers delight. Fathers sacrifice. Fathers are jovial and open-handed. Fathers create abundance, and if lean times come they take the leanest portion themselves and create a sense of gratitude and abundance for the rest. Fathers love birthdays and Christmas because it provides them with yet another excuse to give some more to the kids. When fathers say no, as good fathers do from time to time, it is only because they are giving a more subtle gift, one that is a bit more complicated than a cookie. They must include among their gifts things like self-control and discipline and a work ethic, but they are giving these things, not taking something else away just for the sake of taking. Fathers are not looking for excuses to say no. Their default mode is not no. 

Doug Wilson here

Getting Back to Work!

What do you mean ... stuck?

What if I'm stuck with a job I hate from Canon Wired on Vimeo.

What if there are no jobs?

is there work to be done? ... 

spiritual kinks in your hose?

nice nugget: 'discipline transfers' 

But my child won't change!

with WIDE application!

Julie Lowe - Teaching children who are reluctant to change from CCEF on Vimeo.

thus the odds!

Dad, help!

Calling the wrong number?

Why Work?

Corporal Punishment in the Bible

William Webb has just written a book about smacking. Thomas Schreiner summarises: 

If we truly followed what the OT teaches about corporal punishment, according to Webb, our “discipline” would be much more severe. He insists, for example, that those who spank can’t (if they truly follow the OT) apply age limitations or limit the number of “smacks.” Webb appeals to the overlap between corporal punishment texts and cases in which slaves or those who violated the law were punished (Exod. 21:20-21; Deut. 25:1-3). It is clear from these comparative texts, Webb argues, that punishment of children was much more severe than those who advocate spanking today would tolerate. Nor can we apply spankings to the buttocks alone, for we see in Proverbs (e.g.,Prov. 10:13; 19:29; 26:3) that fools were struck on the back. Furthermore, bruises and welts were inflicted on slaves and criminals, and hence those who favor spanking today are inconsistent when they claim spanking should not leave marks on children.

To read Schreiner's evaluation of this argument click here.

HT: Justin Taylor

I have hidden your word in my earphones

Meet the Rizers is an album that like the Seeds Family Worship aims to put the words of Scripture to tunes that we can't get out of our heads. 

You can sample and download their tunes here: (Meet The Rizers). 

Dads (and Mums too!) read this (below) written by one of the blokes behind The Rizers. 

First he highlights how teaching our children the Scriptures is our responsibility: 

• "You shall teach [God's words] to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking in the way, and when you lie down and when you rise" (Deut. 11:19).

• "...the father makes known to the children your faithfulness" (Is. 38:19).

• "Make them known to your children and your children's children" (speaking of the things that God has revealed) (Deut. 4:9).

• "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord" (Eph. 6:4).

• "Which he commanded our fathers to teach their children, that the next generation might know them, the children yet unborn, and arise and tell their children, so that they should set their hope in God and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments" (Psalm 78:5b-7).

But of course: 

There are hundreds of things that can get in the way of taking the time to sit with your kids and spend time learning the Word of God: lack of discipline, lack of experience, lack of a sense of importance, and many more. Sometimes it's getting over the ideal that you might have in your head. There will be chaos, your wife will need you to do something, the dog will need to go out, your son will not think it's cool at all—but those memories of parents who loved them enough to make an effort will leave a lasting impression on your kids' hearts. So Dads, parents—lets do this!

So then he gives 4 tips on how to help your children:

• Set a Goal. Try one verse a week. This will allow you to dwell on that verse, apply it, and talk about it through the week. Not all the kids will learn at the same pace, so this will also allow some flexibility.
• Be Consistent. Figure out when, where, and what works for your family. Make it realistic: maybe it's morning, or dinner time, or in the car on the way to and from school—or have them say their verse to you before you leave for work.
• Choose the Verses. Pick verses that make sense for your whole family to learn. You can even taper the verse to just a section for the younger kids.
• Make it Fun. SING SONGS! Repetition is key. So whatever way works for your family, have fun doing it and be creative.

Finally he ends with an exhortation & prayer to pray as we embrace this call: 

Psalm 119:11 says "I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you." The Word of God is "living and active," it's "profitable for teaching, reproof, for correction and training in righteousness," and it "does not return empty." Thank you God for your powerful Word. It's life-changing, life-shaking, and I desire for it to penetrate not only my life, but the life of this amazing family you entrusted to me.

 HT: theResurgence

it's not the pornography that's the problem

the problem with pornography is not the pornography

One of the more important lessons for us to learn is that while the occasions for sin are external and 'out there', the real problem is with our lusts within. 

We must come to rethink the relationship between masculinity and being seduced. John Milton uses a striking phrase in Paradise Lost, referring to those men who were seduced by the 'daughters of men.' When shown the future seduction of these men, these descendents of his, Adam attempts to blame the women involved -'Man's woe holds on the same, from Woman to begin.' The angel replies to the contrary: ' From Man's effeminate slackness it begins.' 

At the heart of masculinity is the possession of authority and taking of initiative; by creation design a man is intended by God to be a head, a head willing to sacrifice himself. But part of our word seduction comes from the Latin word duco, which means 'I lead'. 

When a man is seduced he is being led, when a woman seduces she is leading. So when a man is seduced (whether by a living woman or a pornographic woman is immaterial) he is relinquishing and abdicating his assigned role. 

p21-22 Fidelity: What It Means to Be a One-Woman Man

The google book can be viewed here

Have you noticed?

Suppose there is some kind of Christian gathering, and a woman comes to it dressed like she really shouldn’t be. She arrives in a tight top, and proceeds to headlight everyone. What would happen if, after the pastor greeted her, he commented on the size of her breasts? She would be horrified, the people standing nearby would all turn white, someone would bring charges against the pastor before the elders, and so forth. And all because he commented on the two most obvious objets d’art in the room. In this scenario, the one guilty of a breach of decorum would be the one who said something about them, and not the person intent upon displaying them to a bemused public. We are afflicted with a real problem of schizophrenia. We are playing show and tell, but aren’t allowed to tell.

If this quote offends you I suggest you don't read the rest of the article it came from. However I for one not only found this paragraph amusing but astute in it's observations. Like many man (I guess) I confess to not understanding male fashion let alone female fashion. As a guy, as a Dad (and as a Pastor!), I found the whole article very helpful in addressing the nitty gritty matter of applying a passage like 1 Timothy 2:9. 

A Dad shaped by ....

This caught my eye as:

• a good road to tread with the Lord's help
• three great requests to make of the Lord
• and a deeply helpful resolution to take before the Lord in parenting. 

I have asked three things of Jesus for each daughter: that she would love him, that she would love her family, and that she would love the church. So far, it would seem Jesus has honored my requests.

This has been my strategy: I will be a man, a husband, and a dad shaped by repentance rather than religion.

What Dave Bruskas has learned about raising daughters can be found here